Love. What is it? Is it rational? Controllable? Unrealistic? Desirable? Definable? These are the questions posed during class discussion. When I ask myself what love is, I think of Bo Burnham's song, "Love Is..." He lists a series of--admittedly kooky--love analogies. So I've decided to try defining love as demonstrated by my own experience and beliefs, Poe's short stories, and The Shining.
Love is…hoping that your second dead wife will be resurrected as your first dead wife.
Love is…ransacking your beloved’s grave and pulling her teeth from her “still breathing—still palpitating—still alive!” body so as to still have a piece (or thirty-two) of her with you (20).
Love is...an immeasurable unit of measure. I refer here, of course, to the RENT song “Seasons of Love,” wherein we are told to measure our lives in love. But how do we measure that love? In the number of people we love or who love us? In how often we have sex, or how good that sex is on a scale of “Is it over yet?” to “Oh, God YES”? In how long our relationships last? In how willing we are to die for someone? In how likely that dying is to save that someone from the Killing Curse? In how willing we are to feign interest in the other person’s obsessions? In what that love creates: children, new families, poems, songs, art, friendships?Love is…safety and danger. Putting your heart out there, at the risk of getting broken, until it finds somebody, full of bubble wrap and packing peanuts, where it will be treasured forever.
Love is…staying with your abusive husband because your son loves him. *screeeech!* Wait, what? Alright, Wendy. So Danny loves Daddy. And you love Danny. And you want Danny to be happy and a divorce would not make Danny happy. But did you not notice the bit where Danny is not happy with the threat of divorce looming over his tiny little head? And did you not notice that having a broken arm is not mountains of smiles and rainbows? So yeah, a divorce would upset Danny for a while. Probably a long while. But eventually, he’d get better. And seeing Daddy try to kill Mommy takes a lot more visits to the shrink than a simple divorce does. So love yourself, Wendy. Love yourself enough to choose something better. And love Danny. Love Danny enough to put his safety before his happiness, and trust that the happiness will work itself out. And love Jack enough to say that alcohol and anger have no place in your family, that he can be better if he really tries.
Love is...upsetting your son to save him from your abusive husband.Love is...a study of contradictions.
Love is…comfort and tears and backrubs and post-it notes and bedtime stories and hugs.
Love is…the most powerful thing in the world.
Love is…moving to a creepy sentient hotel so your husband can get his shit together.
And yes, “love is getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool” (Burnham).
What is love? Great question, and not easily answered. I assume that several of your examples are mocking what love is (such as pulling teeth from palpitating body!), but others, I don't know if they are love? Staying with the abusive husband for the son...that's something that many women have done, sacrificing body and soul, but I think it can't be love because those individuals aren't loving themselves, a necessary component before loving others. Good questions though! It certainly is a powerful thing!
ReplyDeleteYes, I was mocking love a little bit, though really only the way it was portrayed in our readings. I will need to work with the Shining example (staying with the abusive husband) so it will make more sense; I will certainly have to explore self-love further. Thank you for your insight.
ReplyDelete